my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
