Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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