i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize