I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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