Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
