So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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