While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm like, not good at living.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
