Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Text me some of your sweat
God, I missed his penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize