Don't make out with my wife yet
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
