I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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