a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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