"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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