you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
