Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You smell like stripper and shame
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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