Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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