would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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