I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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