East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize