dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
