Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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