so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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