My boss' voice literally gives me gas
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
