So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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