You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm passing your future prison.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
