I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize