Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
