Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
