It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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