my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
