Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
