So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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