I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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