I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
