we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
