he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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