what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
don't judge my taste in strippers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
