i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
