i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
