Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
