I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
