I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
