Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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