Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
