dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
