i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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