I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
