I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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