I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
