dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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