I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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