I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
