wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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