So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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