She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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