I think i peed on brittanys purse
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
