Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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