His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
