How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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