I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
