It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
