The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
