Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
