Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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