I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize