you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think a kid would responsible me up
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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