hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
