whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
