She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
