apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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