dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The Olympian is in my bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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