Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
