4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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