well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
