yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
