it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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