all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
