Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
