this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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