please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
