just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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