Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
