just tell him i said nine months
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
