if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
