You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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