Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
