totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
