just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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