true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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