My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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