Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
