I think I am morally bankrupt
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
