And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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