but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
