Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
