Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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