If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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