Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize