why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
