Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
