Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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