Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize