Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
