You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
